Love, Attachment, and Ego: The Path to Authentic Connection
In today’s world of dating and relationships, there’s a lot of emphasis placed on "chasing" and "pursuing." The idea that one person should be the hunter and the other the prize creates a dynamic rooted in ego, attachment, and societal conditioning. It’s no wonder that this approach often leads to dissatisfaction, frustration, and relationships that feel hollow.
A recent Instagram thread posed the question, "What happened to men being the hunters in dating?" It reflects a common narrative, one that suggests the thrill of the chase is essential for love. My response, which has been resonating with many, was simple: I’m not in the business of hunting or pursuing anyone. My focus is on pursuing my purpose, my calling, and building the life I want. If someone wants to be part of that world, they can walk alongside me, not be chased after.
This response struck a chord because it speaks to a deeper truth: chasing, hunting, or pursuing someone isn't love. It’s a game rooted in ego, where validation and insecurity dance together, leaving both parties inauthentic and unfulfilled.
Attachment: The Obstacle to Love
Attachment, in its unhealthy form, arises from fear—fear of being alone, fear of rejection, fear of not being enough. It’s the voice inside that whispers, "If I chase after them, maybe they’ll stay. If I play the game just right, I’ll win their love."
But this kind of attachment isn’t love. It’s neediness, a form of ego-driven control that leads to grasping and clinging. When we chase someone, it’s often because we’re trying to fill a void within ourselves. We’re looking for someone to validate our worth or complete us in some way. The attachment to outcome and desire for external validation keeps us locked in a cycle of suffering.
Healthy love, on the other hand, is born out of freedom. It’s a mutual respect, a space where both people come together as whole individuals, not needing to fill each other’s gaps, but complementing one another’s lives. Love in its purest form is unconditional—it’s not transactional, based on ego, or driven by fear of loss.
The Ego’s Role in Chasing and Being Chased
Ego is the part of us that seeks control, validation, and approval. It’s the part that says, "If I chase them, I’ll win their love," or, "If they’re chasing me, I must be valuable." The ego loves the game because it thrives on external validation and feeds off the drama of the pursuit.
But this game isn’t authentic. It’s built on masks—one person playing the "hunter" role, the other playing "hard to get." Both are trying to protect themselves from rejection, failure, and the vulnerability of truly being seen. When we operate from this place, we aren’t connecting with the other person’s true self; we’re engaging with their ego and, in turn, reinforcing our own.
This is where the ego protection cycle comes in: we protect ourselves by hiding behind these roles, afraid to show who we really are. But in doing so, we sabotage the possibility of true intimacy and connection.
As I said in my response to the Instagram thread, "Chasing someone only inflates an ego built on insecurity. A real connection happens when both people show up authentically, not when one is running and the other is chasing."
When we let go of the need to chase or be chased, we step outside of the ego’s games. We create space for authentic connection, where both people are free to show up as they are, without fear, without roles, and without the masks that keep love at arm’s length.
Authentic Self: The Foundation of True Love
To find true love—whether with ourselves or with another person—we must first become and live out of our authentic selves. The authentic self is the part of us that doesn’t need to chase, doesn’t need to prove anything, and doesn’t play games. It’s the part that is whole, healed, and grounded in self-worth.
Living from the authentic self means stepping away from ego-driven behaviors, letting go of attachment, and allowing love to come naturally. When we show up as our true selves, we attract what aligns with us, not what feeds into surface-level expectations.
It’s not about finding someone to complete us; it’s about sharing our already-complete selves with another. It’s about building a life, a purpose, and a calling that fulfills us—then allowing love to walk alongside us in that journey.
As we do this, we learn that love is not something we have to hunt or chase after. It’s something we cultivate within ourselves first. It’s about filling our own cup, living in alignment with our true selves, and allowing that love to overflow into our relationships.
The Invitation to Love Authentically
If you’ve found yourself stuck in the cycle of attachment, ego, and unfulfilling pursuits, I invite you to take a step back and ask: What am I really looking for? Am I chasing after love, or am I ready to attract love by being my authentic self?
True love starts with you. It’s born from self-awareness, healing, and a commitment to showing up authentically in all areas of your life. When you live from that place, love will find you—not because you chased it, but because you’ve become a magnet for what truly aligns with your soul.
If you’re ready to break the box of ego, attachment, and surface-level expectations, I encourage you to take the next step. It’s time to pursue your purpose, build the life you want, and allow love to walk beside you in that journey.
Are you ready to take the first step toward authentic love and connection? Book your assessment today and start your journey toward living in alignment with your true self.
Let’s do this!
With Love,
Zac