Waking Up to the Truth: A Journey from Pleasing Others to Finding Myself
Zachary Pike Gandara, Founder of BreakBox Coaching
Waking Up to the Truth: A Journey from Pleasing Others to Finding Myself
For most of my life, I believed that the path to success and fulfillment was paved by pleasing others. It started with my parents. I wanted to make them proud, to show them that their sacrifices and dreams for me were not in vain. I internalized their values and expectations, striving to become the version of myself they wanted to see. Success, I thought, would come if I could just make them happy.
Next came school. Education was presented as the gateway to a better life. I worked tirelessly to excel, believing that good grades and accolades would open doors to opportunities and admiration. I thought being a “good student” would ensure my future was bright and secure. Yet, despite my achievements, I felt empty. The approval I gained was fleeting, and the weight of trying to meet everyone’s expectations was suffocating.
As I grew older, religion became my compass—or so I thought. I dedicated myself to my faith, convinced that aligning with its principles and practices would bring me closer to purpose and peace. I spent countless hours trying to be “good enough” in the eyes of God, believing that obedience and devotion would lead to love, acceptance, and salvation. But deep down, I wrestled with a lingering sense of inadequacy and a nagging question: Was I living for my beliefs, or was I trying to earn someone else’s approval once again?
Then came marriage. I thought, If I pour everything into my partner, surely I will find the love and fulfillment I’ve been missing. I became consumed with the idea of being the perfect spouse—supportive, giving, and self-sacrificing. But instead of feeling loved and whole, I became drained. I had traded my authenticity for the illusion of harmony, and the cracks in my own identity grew wider.
Society and government soon entered the picture, dictating who I should be, what I should value, and how I should contribute to the world. I checked all the boxes: career, status, and financial stability. By outward measures, I was a success. But inside, I was unraveling. I was exhausted, resentful, and deeply unhappy.
The Breaking Point
For years, I ignored the signs that my life was off course. I told myself that this was just how life worked—compromise, sacrifice, and enduring the struggle for the greater good. But my body had a different plan.
One day, everything changed. I experienced kidney failure, a devastating blow that brought me face-to-face with my mortality. The day of my transplant, I spent 10 hours on the operating table. For over a week, I lay in intensive care, teetering on the edge of life and death.
During those long, quiet hours, something shifted. As I stared at the stark walls of the hospital room, I realized that everything I had worked so hard for—money, success, approval—meant nothing in that moment. All the years I had spent chasing validation and living by someone else’s rules had led me here: broken, depleted, and lost.
I couldn’t keep living this way.
The Awakening
My near-death experience was a wake-up call, a line in the sand that I could no longer ignore. I had spent my entire life trying to please others—parents, teachers, religion, a spouse, society—and it had nearly cost me my life. It was as if the universe was screaming at me: Enough! Stop betraying yourself.
For the first time, I saw the truth: I had been living someone else’s version of success, not my own. I realized that I had no idea who I truly was because I had never stopped to ask myself what I wanted.
What brought me joy?
What gave my life meaning?
What did I truly believe, beyond the expectations and rules imposed by others?
I began to see that the peace I had been chasing could only be found by embracing my authentic self. I didn’t need to prove my worth to anyone—not my parents, not my community, not even God. My worth was intrinsic, and it didn’t require anyone else’s approval.
The Cost of Pleasing Others
Living a life of people-pleasing had cost me everything that truly mattered. Yes, I had achieved success by conventional standards. I had financial stability, recognition, and a long list of accomplishments. But I lacked the things I needed most: peace, hope, and true love—not the kind of love that demands you fit a mold, but the kind that accepts and celebrates you for who you really are.
Pleasing others had turned me into a stranger to myself. I had ignored my intuition, silenced my dreams, and suppressed my emotions in order to fit into the boxes others had created for me. And in doing so, I had lost sight of the beautiful, imperfect, and unique person I was always meant to be.
Reclaiming My Life
After my transplant, I made a promise to myself: I would never again sacrifice my authenticity for someone else’s approval. I began the hard work of unmasking the false self I had created—the one that lived for others—and uncovering the truth of who I was beneath the layers of expectations.
This journey wasn’t easy. It meant confronting painful truths about how I had been living and letting go of relationships, roles, and beliefs that no longer served me. It meant learning to set boundaries, even when it felt uncomfortable. And it meant giving myself permission to disappoint others in order to stay true to myself.
But as I began to align my life with my values and desires, something miraculous happened. I started to feel free. The anger and resentment I had carried for years began to dissolve. I found peace—not in the approval of others, but in the quiet assurance that I was living in integrity with my soul.
The Truth About Peace
The universe will never give you peace in something you were never meant to settle in.
That job.
That relationship.
That family gathering.
I had spent my life clinging to things that pulled me away from my authenticity, believing they would bring me happiness. But true peace came only when I let go of the need to please and embraced the fullness of who I am.
Now, I live by a simple truth: The only person I need to please is myself. By living authentically, I have created a life that feels meaningful, joyful, and deeply aligned with my purpose. I have learned that success isn’t about money or accolades—it’s about waking up each day and knowing that I am living as the person I was always meant to be.
An Invitation
If my story resonates with you, I want you to know that you’re not alone. I know what it’s like to feel trapped by the expectations of others, to lose yourself in the pursuit of approval. But I also know that it’s possible to break free.
You don’t have to wait for a crisis or a near-death experience to wake up. You can start right now. Take a moment to ask yourself:
• Am I living for others or for myself?
• What parts of my life feel out of alignment with my truth?
• What would it look like to live authentically?
These questions can be the beginning of your journey back to yourself. If you’re ready to take the next step, I’d love to walk with you on this path. Together, we can uncover the truth of who you are, heal the wounds that hold you back, and create a life that feels like home.
Click the link to book your assessment, and let’s begin this transformative journey together. It’s time to stop pleasing others and start living for you.
Cheers to finally being you!
Zac