The Formula for Resolving Tough Emotions: A Journey into the Depths of Your Psyche
Introduction: The Emotional Labyrinth
Let's be real: emotions are messy, unpredictable, and often downright confusing. We've all had those moments where we feel like a storm is raging inside us, yet we're unsure where it came from or what to do with it. Emotions can be a labyrinth, an intricate maze where we lose ourselves, searching for clarity in the dark corners of our minds.
But here's the thing: there's a formula—a roadmap— for navigating this labyrinth. It's not some magical cure-all, but it is a way to cut through the noise and get to the heart of what you're feeling. It’s a process that’s as much about science and psychology as it is about soul-searching and raw, unfiltered humanness.
Step One: Find Out Exactly What You Are Feeling
Ever try to solve a problem without really knowing what the problem is? It’s like trying to put out a fire without knowing where the flames are. The first step in resolving tough emotions is to get crystal clear on what you’re feeling. And I mean really get in there—no half-measures.
This is where tools like the [Feelings Wheel](https://feelingswheel.app/) come into play. Think of it as your emotional GPS. It helps you pinpoint exactly what you’re feeling, moving beyond vague descriptors like "bad" or "upset" to something more precise. Are you angry, or is it frustration? Are you sad, or is it grief? The more accurately you can name the emotion, the better you can understand it. Because here’s the deal: you can’t heal what you can’t feel.
Step Two: Is This Feeling Mine?
Now that you’ve named the beast, it’s time to ask a crucial question: “Is this feeling mine?”
This question isn’t just about intellectual curiosity; it’s about discernment, about cutting through the clutter of emotional influences that bombard us every day. Let’s face it—we’re like emotional sponges, soaking up vibes from everyone and everything around us. The coworker’s stress, the partner’s disappointment, the collective anxiety of a world on fire—it’s easy to mistake someone else’s emotions for your own.
So, ask yourself, is this feeling truly mine? Or am I picking up on someone else’s emotional baggage? This is where parts work and shadow work come in. Different parts of your psyche hold different feelings—some are yours, some are echoes from the past, and some are reflections of others. By questioning the ownership of your emotions, you begin to disentangle your authentic self from the emotional noise around you.
Step Three: If This Feeling Is Not Mine, Drop It
Here’s where things get liberating. If you realize that the emotion isn’t yours, you have permission—no, a duty—to drop it. That’s right, just let it go.
We’ve been conditioned to think that we need to fix or carry every emotion that comes our way. But here’s the crass truth: you don’t have to carry what’s not yours. It’s not your job to solve someone else’s emotional mess. Doing so not only drains your energy, but it also fuels toxic patterns like codependency. So, let it go. Don’t overthink it, don’t justify it—just drop it like it’s hot.
Step Four: If the Feeling Is Mine, What Am I Believing That Is Causing Me to Feel This Way?
Okay, so you’ve determined the emotion is yours. Now what? This is where the real work begins. Ask yourself: “What am I believing that is causing me to feel this way?”
This step is about getting to the root of the emotion. Often, our feelings are driven by deep-seated beliefs—beliefs that we might not even be aware of. Maybe you’re feeling unworthy because, deep down, you believe you’re not good enough. Maybe you’re feeling anxious because you believe you’re not in control. These beliefs act like puppet masters, pulling the strings of your emotional life.
And here’s the kicker: these beliefs are often lies. They’re stories we’ve been telling ourselves, stories rooted in past trauma, societal conditioning, or plain old fear. By identifying these beliefs, you start to loosen their grip on your emotions.
Step Five: In Knowing Who I Am in My Authentic Self, Is This Belief True?
This is the moment of truth, the final confrontation. You’ve identified the belief driving your emotion. Now, ask yourself: “In knowing who I am in my authentic self, is this belief true?”
This question is both a challenge and a revelation. It asks you to stand in the truth of who you are—your authentic self, unburdened by the false beliefs that have been holding you back. It’s a radical act of self-honesty.
Maybe you believe you’re not good enough. But is that really true, or is it a story you’ve been told or internalized? Maybe you believe you’re unworthy of love. But in your heart of hearts, is that belief aligned with the truth of who you are?
This step is where the emotional alchemy happens. By confronting these beliefs and seeing them for what they are—distortions, lies, or outdated stories—you begin to dismantle the emotional charge they carry. You start to reclaim your power, step by step, belief by belief.
Conclusion: The Journey of Emotional Mastery
Resolving tough emotions isn’t a one-time fix; it’s a journey, a process that you’ll revisit time and time again. But each time you do, you get a little closer to your authentic self. You start to understand that emotions are not your enemy; they’re guides, messengers that point you toward the beliefs that need to be examined, questioned, and sometimes, let go.
So, the next time you find yourself lost in the labyrinth of tough emotions, remember this formula. Use it as a map to navigate your inner world. It’s not always easy, and it’s definitely not always comfortable, but it’s the path to emotional mastery, to living in alignment with your true self. And isn’t that what we’re all really after?
In the end, it’s about owning what’s yours, dropping what’s not, and walking the path of your life with a little more clarity, a little more peace, and a lot more authenticity.
So there it is—the formula for resolving tough emotions. It’s a mix of science, psychology, and a little bit of mystical soul-searching. It’s messy, it’s human, and it’s yours to use. Embrace it, and let it guide you through the stormy seas of your emotional life.
Love you, Zac
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