How to Choose Joy: A Guide to Finding Joy Every Day

We’ve all heard those powerful quotes like Henri Nouwen’s—“Joy does not simply happen to us, we must choose joy and keep choosing it every day.” It’s a beautiful, inspiring idea, but in the midst of life’s messiness, it often feels unreachable. With all the pressures and responsibilities, how are we supposed to actually choose joy?

It’s a fair question. You’re not alone in wondering how to make joy a reality when the world seems determined to knock you down. Choosing joy is not about pretending life is perfect or forcing yourself to feel something that isn't genuine. It’s about cultivating a mindset and practice that allows joy to bloom, even in difficult moments. Here’s how to start.

1. Acknowledge Your Current Reality

The first step in choosing joy is recognizing where you are. Trying to force joy without first acknowledging your pain, frustration, or sadness only deepens the disconnect between your internal and external worlds. You can’t cover up your emotions and expect joy to feel authentic.

Give yourself permission to feel everything that comes up. This might mean sitting with uncomfortable emotions or reflecting on things you’ve been avoiding. Choosing joy doesn’t mean bypassing the hard stuff—it means making space for joy alongside whatever else is true for you.

2. Practice Gratitude Daily

is the foundation for joy. It doesn’t mean ignoring challenges but rather focusing on what’s good, even in small doses. A daily gratitude practice can help rewire your brain to notice more of what’s positive in your life.

Start small: each morning, list three things you’re grateful for, no matter how insignificant they seem. The warm cup of coffee in your hands, the sun peeking through the clouds, or the smile of a loved one. The more you notice these moments, the more joy begins to feel like a natural part of your day.

3. Cultivate Presence

Joy often hides in the moments we rush past—the simple pleasures we overlook because we’re too busy planning the next task or worrying about the future. Mindfulness and presence are powerful tools for accessing joy.

Take a moment to breathe. Notice the texture of the world around you. What can you hear? What can you see? Feel your feet on the ground. These moments of stillness allow you to reconnect with the present, which is where joy can most easily be found.

4. Release Expectations of What Joy Should Look Like

One reason many of us struggle to choose joy is that we think it has to look a certain way. Joy doesn’t have to be grandiose or dramatic—it’s often quiet, subtle, and fleeting. You don’t need to feel joyful every minute for it to be real.

Let go of the pressure to constantly feel joy. Joy is more about what you nurture internally than an emotion that takes over. It might show up as contentment, peace, or the small satisfaction of completing a task. Allow joy to take whatever form it wants in your life, instead of chasing a particular version of it.

5. Challenge Negative Beliefs

Often, we struggle to choose joy because we hold on to limiting beliefs like, I don’t deserve to be happy, or It’s selfish to feel joy when others are suffering. These thoughts keep us stuck in a cycle of guilt and dissatisfaction.

Recognize these beliefs for what they are: stories your ego has built to protect you from vulnerability. Once you identify them, you can challenge them. Ask yourself, “Is this really true? What would change if I allowed myself to feel joy?” These are the beginning steps toward rewiring your thought patterns.

6. Engage in Activities That Spark Joy

What makes you come alive? Think about the activities or moments in your life that make you feel most connected to joy. This might be dancing, creating art, spending time in nature, or connecting with loved ones.

Make these joy-inducing activities a priority. Even if it’s just a few minutes a day, give yourself permission to immerse in things that bring lightness to your life. The more time you spend in these spaces, the easier it becomes to choose joy.

7. Nurture Joy Through Connection

Joy thrives in community. While we can experience joy alone, it often deepens when shared with others. Make time to connect with those who lift you up and bring positivity to your life. Whether it’s laughter with friends, meaningful conversations, or shared moments with family, connection is a powerful source of joy.

8. Choose Compassion Over Perfection

We often sabotage our own joy because we’re too focused on getting everything right. Perfectionism kills joy. Choosing joy means choosing compassion for yourself, even when you fall short.

When you make mistakes or don’t live up to your own expectations, remember that you are human. Give yourself grace. This act of self-compassion is one of the most powerful ways to create space for joy.

9. Prioritize Rest and Self-Care

It’s hard to choose joy when you’re running on empty. Rest and self-care are essential parts of joy because they allow your nervous system to relax and your body to heal. Without rest, you’re more likely to feel overwhelmed, anxious, and disconnected from your ability to feel joy.

Prioritize sleep, downtime, and moments of self-nurturing. Treat joy as something that requires energy, and take care of yourself accordingly.

10. Be Intentional About Your Joy

Choosing joy is a daily decision. It requires intention and attention. Set aside time each day to reflect on how you can choose joy in small ways. Whether through a gratitude journal, a morning meditation, or simply asking yourself, How can I choose joy today?—make it a practice.

When joy becomes part of your daily intention, it begins to feel more natural, more accessible, and more sustaining. Remember that joy is a muscle—something you build through consistent practice, not something you stumble upon.

Conclusion

Joy isn’t something that just happens to us. It’s a choice we make again and again, even in the face of challenges. It’s not always easy, but it’s always possible. And the more you choose it, the more it becomes a part of who you are.

If you're ready to dive deeper into cultivating joy and living more authentically, let’s explore what’s holding you back. The journey toward joy is one of self-discovery, healing, and transformation. Click below to book your assessment and begin your path toward joy-filled living. You don’t have to do it alone. l look forward to joining you.

With Love,

Zac