How to Know What You Want: Listening to Your Authentic Self
Many people come to BreakBox Coaching with a sense of frustration, feeling stuck in the same patterns, emotions, or cycles that have held them back for years. Whether it’s past behaviors, ego protection cycles, or overwhelming emotions like grief, clients know deep inside that they need something to change. They sense they want something different—a new way of living, being, or feeling—but they struggle to pinpoint exactly what that is. They can’t hear their authentic self just yet, and that can feel deeply unsettling.
Why It’s Hard to Know What You Want
We live in a world that trains us from an early age to seek external validation. We look outside ourselves for answers, approval, and direction. Society, family, peers, and the roles we step into often dictate what we should want: the right career, the right relationship, the right way to live. Over time, these external influences can drown out our inner voice. We start to wear masks and adopt identities that serve others’ expectations, leaving little room for our authentic desires to emerge.
On top of that, old wounds, emotional baggage, and the ego's need for protection can keep us in survival mode. When we are constantly reacting to the past—whether consciously or unconsciously—it’s nearly impossible to connect with what our true self desires in the present moment. Instead, we may find ourselves chasing goals that don’t fulfill us or repeating cycles that lead to frustration and confusion.
So, how do you begin to understand what you truly want when your inner voice feels distant or silenced?
1. Slow Down and Tune In
The first step to knowing what you want is to slow down and create space to listen. This is about building a bridge between you and your authentic self, and it starts with cultivating quiet. In our fast-paced lives, we often fill every available moment with distractions—work, social media, responsibilities. But without stillness, you can’t hear the quiet, wise voice within.
Try practicing mindfulness or simply giving yourself time to sit in silence. Start with just a few minutes a day. Pay attention to what bubbles up when you stop filling the space with noise. You might feel uncomfortable at first because this is where the shadows of your ego and your past experiences come to the surface. But by learning to sit with those feelings, you start to develop the ability to listen for deeper truths underneath them.
2. Connect with Your Emotions and Body
Our authentic desires are often buried beneath layers of emotions and unresolved experiences. This is where doing emotional and somatic work becomes essential. The body holds wisdom that the mind cannot always access. When we experience heavy emotions—like grief, anger, or sadness—our body feels it long before our conscious mind can make sense of it.
Start to notice what emotions come up in your day-to-day life. Where do you feel them in your body? Are you carrying tension in your chest, a knot in your stomach, or a weight on your shoulders? These physical sensations are clues that can help you understand what parts of you need attention and healing.
When we can learn to recognize, validate, and move through these emotions instead of resisting them, we begin to clear the space needed to hear what we actually want. Emotional release often makes room for authentic desires to surface.
3. Identify the Ego’s Voice
The ego’s job is to protect you, but often it does so in ways that keep you small or disconnected from your authentic self. The ego may tell you what you should want based on fear, past pain, or societal expectations. It may say, "Stay safe. Don’t take risks. Follow the path that everyone else is on." These are the voices that keep you stuck in the box of inauthentic living.
To understand what you truly want, you need to differentiate between the ego’s voice and the voice of your inner wisdom. One helpful tool is to question your desires: “Is this something I genuinely want, or is this something I think I should want?” Look for the motivations behind your desires. Is it fear or scarcity driving them, or do they come from a place of love and expansion?
By gently challenging the ego’s patterns, you create more space for your authentic self to be heard.
4. Tap into Your Inner Child and Joy
As children, we are deeply in tune with what we want. We know what lights us up, excites us, and brings us joy without any external pressures or expectations. Unfortunately, as we grow older, we often lose touch with that pure, instinctive sense of desire.
To reconnect with what you want, spend some time getting curious about what brings you joy now. What activities, hobbies, or experiences make you feel alive, creative, or free? Are there memories from childhood where you felt most in touch with your authentic self? Sometimes, what we want now is deeply connected to those early joys and passions, but we have lost the permission to pursue them.
Let yourself explore what lights you up without judgment. Even if it feels small or insignificant, these sparks of joy can be powerful guides toward knowing what you want on a larger scale.
5. Start with Small Desires
Sometimes the process of knowing what you want can feel overwhelming because we expect immediate clarity on the big, life-changing questions. But often, our deeper desires reveal themselves gradually. Start by asking yourself, “What do I want right now?” It could be something simple, like wanting to feel more peace in your life, wanting to explore a new creative outlet, or even wanting more time for yourself.
When you honor small desires, you send a message to your subconscious that you are listening. And as you listen, more of your authentic self will feel safe to speak up. Over time, the small desires may evolve into bigger, more aligned goals that resonate deeply with who you are.
6. Give Yourself Permission to Want
For many people, knowing what they want is less about the *how* and more about the *why not*. Why don’t we allow ourselves to want things that feel authentic to us? Often, it’s fear of judgment, fear of failure, or fear that we aren’t worthy of our own desires.
To know what you want, you must first give yourself permission to want in the first place. It’s okay to want something different from what others expect. It’s okay to want more than what you’ve been told is possible. It’s okay to want without knowing how everything will unfold.
This is where the magic happens—when you allow yourself to want without conditions, expectations, or limitations.
Unlocking the Box of Your Authentic Desires
At BreakBox, we guide clients through a process of breaking free from limiting beliefs, past patterns, and societal expectations so they can connect with their true desires. Our process is about unmasking the false self, doing the deep work to empty out emotional baggage, and breaking free of the ego’s protective cycles. It’s a journey of returning to yourself, of rediscovering what it feels like to live in alignment with who you truly are.
If you’re feeling stuck and unsure of what you want, know that you are not alone. It’s possible to reconnect with your inner wisdom and hear the voice of your authentic self. All it takes is the courage to slow down, listen, and explore.
Are you ready to begin that journey? I’m here to walk alongside you as you uncover what you truly want and build a life that feels aligned with your authentic self. Book your assessment today, and let’s start breaking open the box that’s been keeping you from the life you deserve.
With Love,
Zac